In August 2015, I did something that, to me, was terrifying as hell. I put my thoughts, feelings, and experiences out there for anyone to see, relate to, or ignore. Yeah, you could say we all do the same on social media all the time, but for some reason starting a blog was much scarier.
At the time, my daughter had just turned three. I was in the middle of the toddler years and wasn’t sure I was going to survive it. Brutal bedtime wars, super clinginess when I dropped her off at preschool, and the endless tug of war between my career and family were all norms and things I talked about often. I felt I was falling short on all fronts and didn’t really have the answers. Never enough time, patience, energy. I feel tired just thinking of those days.
Now, she’s five and in elementary school. Bedtime is way easier and she wants to walk to class on her own. The challenges are different, especially around trying to build her confidence and self esteem to weather the inevitable peer pressure that is to come. I still struggle with career and family balance, but it feels different than it did in those days. I travel much less, on purpose, and found a job that gives me the flexibility I need right now that I didn’t have then. I still battle with feeling I need to be better at this or do more of that, but hell, half the time it’s still all about sanity and survival. That much hasn’t changed.
In that time since I started this, we had lots of great moments and moves forward in life. On the flip side, it was also during this time that I got through one of the most difficult experiences in my adult life. Of all the posts I’ve done on this blog, opening up about that one was by far the hardest, but the support I got as a result, well, I can’t even tell you what it meant.
I don’t write as often and many times I think I need to just wrap it up. What I’ve found though, is that there is so much you forget over time. All these little things, these moments or feelings that just get lost in the years. In some small way, I’ve saved a little bit of what may have otherwise been lost and if it’s for no one else but me, I’m ok with that.